Ya Either You Got It or You Ain't.....
You either have it....or you've had it....
Act 1, Scene 1:
Middle-aged married couple attempt to squeeze into fancy dress for their anniversary celebration. Male is straightening his tie in the hall mirror. Female is scurrying around looking for gloves. The woman remembers there are gloves in a basket in the bottom of the hall closet. She climbs the two steps and starts throwing stuff out of her way with great exaggeration. Vaccuum attachments, coats, and table leaves are strewn about. Male is viewing the scene as reflected in the mirror.
Woman leans into the closet and grabs the basket. Suddenly, a hidden oak table leaf slides out from between two coats and slams down on the woman's scalp. Woman screams, clutches head.
Man jumps up steps, woman, dizzy, falls back onto stairs. Male runs for ice, forcing woman to remove her hand from her head so he can see if she is bleeding. No blood. Woman still shaking. Can't speak.
Exit stage left.
Scene 2:
Woman in passenger seat with ice pack on her head. Man driving and sighing.
Man: I can't believe we are driving to this play with you holding on ice pack on your head.
Woman: (in feeble, shaky voice) I will be fine...just don't make me talk until we get there.....
Scene 3 :
Man and woman are waiting for theater doors to open. It is freezing. Woman has on a skirt and is the only person in Manhattan who doesn't own boots. Woman no longer has ice on her head because it is so cold that the air is an ice pack. Every so often she shivers so hard that her head throbs and then she moans. Man forces her to go into a pizzeria which turns out to be a giant pizza factory filled with thousands of crazy tourists who would pay for mass-produced pizza in a city filled with the best family-run pizzerias in the world.
Man reads to woman from a review he printed out about the show:
And above all it has [Patti] LuPone as Rose, the ferociously ambitious stage mother who domineers Gypsy from start to finish. This is the King Lear of musical-theater roles, and she inhabits it with breathtaking fullness and complexity. LuPone is giving the performance of a lifetime here: not just her lifetime, but Rose’s, and those of many in the audience as well. When she takes her bows—to earthshaking applause—it is as though the golden age of Broadway vitality were taking its curtain call. See Gypsy now. We may never see its like again.
-Adam Feldman, Time Out New York
Scene 4:
The dressing room of the star. She sits at her dressing table. Behind her are posters of her performance:
Act 1, Scene 1:
Middle-aged married couple attempt to squeeze into fancy dress for their anniversary celebration. Male is straightening his tie in the hall mirror. Female is scurrying around looking for gloves. The woman remembers there are gloves in a basket in the bottom of the hall closet. She climbs the two steps and starts throwing stuff out of her way with great exaggeration. Vaccuum attachments, coats, and table leaves are strewn about. Male is viewing the scene as reflected in the mirror.
Woman leans into the closet and grabs the basket. Suddenly, a hidden oak table leaf slides out from between two coats and slams down on the woman's scalp. Woman screams, clutches head.
Man jumps up steps, woman, dizzy, falls back onto stairs. Male runs for ice, forcing woman to remove her hand from her head so he can see if she is bleeding. No blood. Woman still shaking. Can't speak.
Exit stage left.
Scene 2:
Woman in passenger seat with ice pack on her head. Man driving and sighing.
Man: I can't believe we are driving to this play with you holding on ice pack on your head.
Woman: (in feeble, shaky voice) I will be fine...just don't make me talk until we get there.....
Scene 3 :
Man and woman are waiting for theater doors to open. It is freezing. Woman has on a skirt and is the only person in Manhattan who doesn't own boots. Woman no longer has ice on her head because it is so cold that the air is an ice pack. Every so often she shivers so hard that her head throbs and then she moans. Man forces her to go into a pizzeria which turns out to be a giant pizza factory filled with thousands of crazy tourists who would pay for mass-produced pizza in a city filled with the best family-run pizzerias in the world.
Man reads to woman from a review he printed out about the show:
And above all it has [Patti] LuPone as Rose, the ferociously ambitious stage mother who domineers Gypsy from start to finish. This is the King Lear of musical-theater roles, and she inhabits it with breathtaking fullness and complexity. LuPone is giving the performance of a lifetime here: not just her lifetime, but Rose’s, and those of many in the audience as well. When she takes her bows—to earthshaking applause—it is as though the golden age of Broadway vitality were taking its curtain call. See Gypsy now. We may never see its like again.
-Adam Feldman, Time Out New York
Scene 4:
The dressing room of the star. She sits at her dressing table. Behind her are posters of her performance:
The star is about to put on her first costume when she suddenly feels faint:
Star: I know the show must go on but....Ack!
the house is packed and all people these paid a fortune for the tickets
and they really aren't here to see the play but to see my tour de force as Madame Rose....
End of Act 1
Act II, Scene 1:
Middle aged couple have stopped pretending they are waiting for a table in the warm pizzeria and skip hand in hand to the theater:
Together: We're going to see Patti! We're going to see Patti!
They enter the theater doors and pass a female employee selling programs. Female employee is saying something sotto voce and very quickly..
Woman: Did you hear what that woman with the programs said? Did she say someone was sick??
Man: : Wha?What? What woman?
Female program person:
"PattiLuponissickandyoucanrequestarefundbutyoumustdoitright
nowbeforeyouturninyourticket - - "
Woman: What? What should we do? OMG, stop, don't give the man your ticket - - - -
Man: What? What??
Exit stage right.
Act II, Scene 2:
Curtain rises on the two ticketholders. They are staring at one another. All around them there are mutters and shrieks going
through the packed house....Patti's sick...Patti's sick....OMG!
Woman throws her program on the ground in a
fit of pique and refuses to speak .
Man keeps repeating:
"I'm stupified! I'm stupified!"
Couple seated next to them lean over and say,
"Y'know we only came to see her. We are so upset."
Group of 8 white-haired women console each other,
"Well, it's not like we had a choice. We all came on the bus from Pennsylvania to see Patti....
Woman demands candy. Male ticketholder scurries to and from the lobby and proffers Skittles (yuck!) Junior Mints (too caloric) and Peanut M&M's (perfect combo of fat and carbs). Greedily, she rips open the package and wolfs them down, diet be damned.
Act II, Scene 3
Curtain rises.
The understudy enters, stage right. She looks remarkably like Patti Lupone. She is the same height, weight, and with the wig and costume, if the audience squints real hard, she could be Patti Lupone. She has a big voice. A little shrill. She is trying hard. A little too hard. She sings. She dances. She shrieks. She cajoles. She flirts. She belts out her numbers. She cries. She flirts some more. She ends with the show stopping ten minute number, "It's Rose's Turn." When finished, she looks completely exhausted.
Audience jumps to their feet in a standing ovation. Understudy visibly emotional during curtain calls. Female and male ticket holders clap politely. Couple next to man and woman keep their hands folded in their lap throughout the performance.
Act II, Scene 4:
Man and woman exit theater. Across the street, they see a giant line of people around a stage door. Puzzled, they look up. Ah, Equus, i.e. naked Harry Potter about to exit through stage door. Well, not naked but he was before. On stage. They hesitate.
New York cop enters stage left.
Cop: Move along! Move along! You gotta keep the sidewalk clear!
They sigh. Dejected, they walk hand in hand down to the parking garage, coats trailing, Playbills stuffed in their pockets. They enter the throng of a hundred people waiting for their cars and get in the line, standing shoulder to shoulder as they have for 28 years of marriage through thick and thin, in rich times and poor, in sunny weather and storms.
Woman turns to man:
Well, the understudy did try really hard.
Man: Yeah, it's not like she wasn't a fine actress.
Woman: She just wasn't Patti Lupone.
Man: She looked completely exhausted.
Woman: Imagine how hard that must be to come on stage and have to carry that play, be in every scene, sing almost every song, and know that everyone is thinking, "but she's not Patti Lupone".
Man: True.
Woman: And after seeing that play I don't wonder that Patti Lupone was sick - she's exhausted!
Woman in line in front of them turns around and speaks:
Oh, is that why she wasn't there? She's sick?
Man and woman look at each other. Woman leaves line to buy a giant salted pretzel which she wolfs down and promptly makes her sick.
Curtain falls.
Act II, Scene 5
Couple are in bed. Woman has head under the covers and ice pack back on her head. Man has laptop on and the couple hold hands as the music begins to play......
I'm sick!
Ack!
I can't go on!
Yes, Yes! It's Saturday night ---the house is packed and all people these paid a fortune for the tickets
and they really aren't here to see the play but to see my tour de force as Madame Rose....
but I'M SICK!!!!
End of Act 1
Act II, Scene 1:
Middle aged couple have stopped pretending they are waiting for a table in the warm pizzeria and skip hand in hand to the theater:
Together: We're going to see Patti! We're going to see Patti!
They enter the theater doors and pass a female employee selling programs. Female employee is saying something sotto voce and very quickly..
Woman: Did you hear what that woman with the programs said? Did she say someone was sick??
Man: : Wha?What? What woman?
Female program person:
"PattiLuponissickandyoucanrequestarefundbutyoumustdoitright
nowbeforeyouturninyourticket - - "
Woman: What? What should we do? OMG, stop, don't give the man your ticket - - - -
Man: What? What??
Exit stage right.
Act II, Scene 2:
Curtain rises on the two ticketholders. They are staring at one another. All around them there are mutters and shrieks going
through the packed house....Patti's sick...Patti's sick....OMG!
Woman throws her program on the ground in a
fit of pique and refuses to speak .
Man keeps repeating:
"I'm stupified! I'm stupified!"
Couple seated next to them lean over and say,
"Y'know we only came to see her. We are so upset."
Group of 8 white-haired women console each other,
"Well, it's not like we had a choice. We all came on the bus from Pennsylvania to see Patti....
Woman demands candy. Male ticketholder scurries to and from the lobby and proffers Skittles (yuck!) Junior Mints (too caloric) and Peanut M&M's (perfect combo of fat and carbs). Greedily, she rips open the package and wolfs them down, diet be damned.
Act II, Scene 3
Curtain rises.
The understudy enters, stage right. She looks remarkably like Patti Lupone. She is the same height, weight, and with the wig and costume, if the audience squints real hard, she could be Patti Lupone. She has a big voice. A little shrill. She is trying hard. A little too hard. She sings. She dances. She shrieks. She cajoles. She flirts. She belts out her numbers. She cries. She flirts some more. She ends with the show stopping ten minute number, "It's Rose's Turn." When finished, she looks completely exhausted.
Audience jumps to their feet in a standing ovation. Understudy visibly emotional during curtain calls. Female and male ticket holders clap politely. Couple next to man and woman keep their hands folded in their lap throughout the performance.
Act II, Scene 4:
Man and woman exit theater. Across the street, they see a giant line of people around a stage door. Puzzled, they look up. Ah, Equus, i.e. naked Harry Potter about to exit through stage door. Well, not naked but he was before. On stage. They hesitate.
New York cop enters stage left.
Cop: Move along! Move along! You gotta keep the sidewalk clear!
They sigh. Dejected, they walk hand in hand down to the parking garage, coats trailing, Playbills stuffed in their pockets. They enter the throng of a hundred people waiting for their cars and get in the line, standing shoulder to shoulder as they have for 28 years of marriage through thick and thin, in rich times and poor, in sunny weather and storms.
Woman turns to man:
Well, the understudy did try really hard.
Man: Yeah, it's not like she wasn't a fine actress.
Woman: She just wasn't Patti Lupone.
Man: She looked completely exhausted.
Woman: Imagine how hard that must be to come on stage and have to carry that play, be in every scene, sing almost every song, and know that everyone is thinking, "but she's not Patti Lupone".
Man: True.
Woman: And after seeing that play I don't wonder that Patti Lupone was sick - she's exhausted!
Woman in line in front of them turns around and speaks:
Oh, is that why she wasn't there? She's sick?
Man and woman look at each other. Woman leaves line to buy a giant salted pretzel which she wolfs down and promptly makes her sick.
Curtain falls.
Act II, Scene 5
Couple are in bed. Woman has head under the covers and ice pack back on her head. Man has laptop on and the couple hold hands as the music begins to play......
