pomegranatesandpaper

Deja Vu X 2 Or What Happens When You are Home With Dogs and You Forget That You Already Blogged This.

It has been one year since my first and last solo writing retreat to Cape Cod. The one that was scheduled for one week.The one that last 36 hours. If you weren't around for the first run, here are the links:

http://artjournaler.typepad.com/pomegranatesandpaper/2008/04/retreat-day-one.html

http://artjournaler.typepad.com/pomegranatesandpaper/2008/04/day-two.html

http://artjournaler.typepad.com/pomegranatesandpaper/2008/04/we-hate-to-inte.html

Now, I believe in fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. So my momma didn't raise no fool and I ain't gonna even try to go back by myself

No, this time I'm bringing one yellow lab pup to keep me on my toes, a black lab mamma to keep me warm, a sister to stay up late with, and a Mr. Pom to walk the dogs early in the morning. (Or so he claims to be coming, but we all know how his job is....)

But did you just read what I wrote:

1) I am going to the Cape with no kids - how the heck did that happen??

2) I am not happy about going with no kids as my kids bring a lot of joy and memories to our trip, and

3) I have not written a word of the novel in a year.

Is it dead? I don't know. Am I bringing it? Maybe.

Oh, where are the kids? At school, at work, and visiting the one at work. Did I mention ever that The Princess moved to South Carolina to pursue better employment and The Boyfriend? No? Well, she did and she has not one job but two and is working her petite butt off WHILE SHE MAKES PLANS FOR GRAD SCHOOL - RIGHT PRINCESS??

What's a mother to do?

The Teen, that little ingrate, traded in a week as The Only Child Who Would Have Had Many Indulgences, Lobsters, and Unnecessary Purchases bestowed on her for a   visit with The Princess Where It Is Warm. Bah on these children!  We need dog walkers and early risers with dog walkers!

Speaking of early rising, Bella Sera does not wake you up early. No, the darling just jumps on the bed if you move an inch and smother you with sloppy kisses. Or, she sits on the bed and stares at you until her hot breath wakes you up. Have you ever had a 78 pound dog jump on and off the bed about 25 times a night and hog all the covers? So,seriously, tonight, I'm sleeping in the dog crate if she won't use it. Mr. Pom, oh-so-clever-I-want-the-mamma-dog Mr Pom has slept the two nights in the son's empty room on the ruse that he is going to bed SO EARLY....tonight, that shall be mine!!

And since I know how hard Monday is for everyone, I decided to put on a good show for all my neighbors' enjoyment:

Me: Come on Cucciolo, jump in the car.
Cucciolo: blank stare
Me: OK,I'll lift you in but when you see your mother jump in, you're going to be very embarassed since you are the same height and 20 pounds lighter.
Cucciolo: Sneering stare
Me:  All right, lift up!  ( Dragging dog's butt into car without getting dog hair all over clothes, ha ha. )  Come on, Bella Sera, come on, jump in!
BS:  Furiously wagging tail but no jumping.
Me:  OK, come on I'll give you a running start, walk a few feet away with me....no! no!
Cucch, don't get out of the car, don't....no! (Furiously step on leash before pup gets run over. Then Place Cucch Back In Car. Drop briefcase. Drop keys. Drop other leash, grab other leash, Lift Up 78 Pound Dog and Shove Into Back of Car, Retrieve Keys, Briefcase, and whatever dignity I have left.....)

P.S. I ordered this! Oh yes I did!

A Sunny Couch and A Warm Dog

I took today off to acclimate Bella Sera and get her to the vet for a wellness visit. She's a trifle overweight (aren't all new moms??) but otherwise fit.

When the breeder described her, she said she was a "lovebug" and we just figured she was a sweet dog. She is, in fact, a sweet dog but now we know what lovebug means and this darling lab is the perfect yin to Cucciolo's yang.

While the Cucch is noisy and ever in  motion, Bella is quiet and placid and calm; where the Cucch wants to be rough and tumble and nippy, Bella is all headrubs and leaning up against you and sighs; where the Cucch asserts his dominance through wrestling and pulling at ears, Bella is all totally sure of herself as the leader of the pack and completely ignores his childish antics.

I came home on Sunday, wet and wild as it was here, to find The Teen in the recliner by the fire with a 78 pound Bella fast asleep in her lap. The two looked as blissed out as girl and dog can be. The Cucch was eying them with great suspicion and prompty jumped on both. There was much tussing (Southern word introduced by MM's 3rd grade teacher as in "He was on line and tussin' with the other boys")  and robbing of bones for the rest of the afternoon, but Bella let the Cucch take it when she got up for water and the Cucch seemed stymied by her gratuity.

This morning, Mr. Pom walked Bella and said she was so excited to go on her walk that she forgot to do her business. So I put her in the backyard with The Cucch, who cannot bear to be outside alone for more than two minutes. I began blowdrying my hair, confident that the two would keep each other company and I could dress for once without rescuing my shoes, inner soles, and earrings from The Cucch's mouth. Soon I heard The Teen running downstairs to let them both in and she found them with their noses pressed up against the storm door, The Cucch barking like crazy and Bella in a worried snit. I'm beginning to think my backyard is haunted! We'll try that again tomorrow.

So far, we've let her sleep in our room and The Cucch in his crate in The Teen's room to ease the transition but tonight, both doggies are sleeping in their downstairs crates. I do not get any rest with 78 pounds of lap jumping on and off the bed several times a night along with much sneezing, sighing, a few barks when startled, and laying across my stomach when she stretches out.

This morning was a bit of a sideshow for the neighbors as I tried to get both dogs into the hatchback of the car and whichever one I lifted in first would then jump out while I tried to get the other one to jump in. Getting out the door with two leashes is pretty chaotic and I will be glued to The Dog Whisperer once again so I can assert calm energy and pack leader vibes. (right!)  But  once we came home, me with a bowl of soup and Bella  with a dog biscuit, she found her place in the sun on the couch and I took up the other end and began reading "Girl Meets God", more about that later, and we both fell asleep in the afternoon sun. What could be more rare than this sunny interlude on a Monday afternoon?

And then my boss called with questions about file reviews and woke us both up.

Sigh.

We had a great hour. Now we are off to pick up The Cucch from doggie daycare where he can run around like the pup he is to his heart's content. We decided it was best to stick to his routine because his snout is way out of joint as it is.  Then off to the dog park where Bella just erupts with joy and will run the length of a football field to retrieve a ball (The Cucch thinks that is for sissies and prefer to tackle the retrieving dog when she is halways back and then hang onto her collar like a flying squirrel. Really, he is just the boy showing off in the back of the classroom!)

GUESS WHO'S COMING FOR DINNER

1)  MAKE PLANS TO FLY TO BUFFALO TO PICK UP GUEST

2)  MISS PLANE DUE TO BRIDGE CLOSING BECAUSE OF MAJOR TRAFFIC ACCIDENT

3)  CONVINCE HUSBAND  TO DRIVE TO BUFFALO EVEN IF IT IS 5:20 ON A FRIDAY NIGHT

4)  DRIVE TO SYRACUSE, CRASH FOR THE NIGHT, DRIVE 2 MORE HOURS TO BUFFALO, PICK UP GUEST, DRIVE 6 HOURS HOME.

5) SURPRISE - COMPANY'S HERE!

6)  WAIT - HAVE WE MET BEFORE?

7) SOMETHING SMELLS FAMILIAR . . .

8) COULD IT BE - NO, NO WAY - YES??

9) MOM!  SON! IT'S YOU! IT'S REALLY YOU! HUGS AND KISSES ALL AROUND!

10) A PREPRANDIAL TRIP TO THE DOG PARK TO INTRODUCE MOM TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS

11) EXHAUSTION ALL AROUND

12: REALIZATION SETS IN: MOM, UH, YOU'RE UH, LIKE STAYING??

13:  SON, I'M EXHAUSTED: MAKE YOUR OWN DINNER AND GET ME A NEW BONE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WELCOME BELLA SERA!

BREATHE JUST BREATH

Too, too easy these days to feel the weight of all that is wrong with the world. No wonder Spring's winds are so fierce - how much force will it take to blow us clear of disaster?

I feel myself getting tripped up by my worries time and time again. I resolve each day to clear my mind and not become ensnared, but they are waiting to catch me when I least expect it.

I do know that we cannot control all things. Despite our vigilance, despite even our prayers, events transpire that reel us away from our safe places into circumstances that are unexpected, frightening, even calamitous.  I am doing my best to stay level-headed, to keep my mind not so much within the confines of my concerns, but to also stay close to home and physically hold in my mind all that I care for and cherish.

I was driving alone today and my head and stomach were churning with family problems, money problems, work problems, kid problems. I felt myself being wound like a top, cranked up and ready to spin out of control.  When I stopped at a light, I just took my hands off the wheel and held them up and said out loud,  "Please God, take these burdens from me. I can't handle them myself. I need help."

I had no divine revelation. I had no immediate loosening of the knot in my stomach. But I went home, made dinner, served it, helped The Teen with an application, checked my work email, looked up my cases for tomorrow, and found time to write this blog post.

I consider this chunk of evening saved from turmoil and hope chunks of tomorrow will be the same.

"Blue skies, nothing but blue skies from now on."

Wednesday Meanderings or I Got Nothing....Much

Not 7:30 p.m. and I am already in bed, eating a sliced chicken on Italian bread toast with mayo sandwich for dinner along with a cup of Earl Grey. Nothing reminds me more of the kitchen I grew up in than eating a chicken sandwich on Italian bread toast. Yum! It was a long work day and I have the cold that Mystery Man brought home on spring break.

We finally moved from our year long "temporary" offices into our spanking new permanent offices. It has a fancy lobby and a real cafeteria and it's kind of like we finally grew up and became a real law firm.  Best of all, the attorneys are back in offices and out of cubicles. I have a door! That shuts! And windows! And a door! That shuts!

Very interesting psychology about office space. Once we were all together on the floor, support staff and attorneys all mixed up, there was a lot of camaraderie and team building. (There was also a lot of noise.).  Of course, it was awkward at times, like when you wanted to make your gyn appointment or when I was yelling at The Teen to do her homework or walk the dog. 

The only thing I couldn't get used to was having people looking over my shoulder at my work and laptop. In other words, in my space. Most people understood the "talk over the cubicle wall" protocol, but some people would stand right next to my chair and wait for me to sign something.  Get back! I wanted to scold certain folks that had problems respecting boundaries.

Funny thing is, those same folks, now that we are back in offices, stand right at the door to my office and won't step over unless I say come on in. Strange, no?

Anyway, I ordered some awesome prints on line to hang on the walls. I know I should put up my license and diplomas, but you know what, I've been a lawyer for.....too many years and I don't need no stinkin' diplomas to give me credence. What do you think of these??

And I need some plants and some groovy desk stuff, like a real lawyer who sees clients and offers them cigars or something. Actually, my main goal is to just smack down the paper that threatens to overtake my life. Can you say clutter??

I would like some great candles that are scented and give off a fragrance without being lit because we can't have lit candles. Any suggestions?

Tomorrow I will bring in my desk lamp. It's just a little lime green ceramic lamp with a white drum shade that I bought at Target for about 30 bucks. I like to use it when it's dark and gloomy outside. My eyes are very sensitive to flourescents and the incandescent light is very cozy. When I first bought it, people were amazed. It was like I had invented fire or something. I don't understand the attitude that work is just a place to be endured. So many people in my office have absolutely nothing personal in their offices or cubicles. (Then again, others have more tschotkes than Pearl River Mart.) Life is short and when you spend over 40 hours week in one place, why not make it comfortable and surround yourself with the colors and textures and fragrances you like??

Art Fills You Up and Lifts You Higher

 

Bridge by The Teen

This month in Cloth, Paper, Scissors I wrote about The Teen's decision to go to art school and my surprise at my own mixed reaction. While I was thrilled that she was finally taking her talent seriously and wanted to pursue an art education, I also found myself worrying about her future as an artist and whether she'd have the opportunities to earn a living as an artist.

I have received some very interesting reactions to this article. Some people have written to me in total support, in a similar quandary either about themselves or their own children. In these very difficult and unprecedented economic times, even the most successful artists are facing a dramatic downturn in work, and many are finding sources of new clients and revenues drying up as galleries close and client accounts shrivel up.

A faithful blog reader wrote to me of her own regrets at not being allowed to follow her heart:

 I graduated from high school in 1947. the depression was just over thanks to a war. my art teacher came to my parents apartment to try to convince them to send me to art school. they were torn but my father said no I needed to get ready for the real world so I went to work and to  nite school for steno! here I am all these years later just learning all the stuff I really love.  its fun but I really regret not being able to do it sooner. think hard about your decisions. there has to be a happy medium somewhere!

Others told me to lighten up and not worry not so much. Gail wrote,

RELAX  MOM
.
I have many students making a living in the art field.  Making more money then I ever did teaching.  I loved
working with students. 

Although my suggestion was tongue in cheek (The Teen was a camp counselor the past two summers and I know that although she enjoyed the kids, she was pretty frustrated by the end of a long, hot day!), I certainly understand how strongly others feel about the subject.

Gail and others had much to say on this score:

But teaching should not be looked at as a safe job in todays market or something you
do because you can't do what you really want to.

Rhonda had quite a lot to say on the subject of art and teaching in general:

Let me explain why being an art teacher is not necessarily what many may think it to be. If you are a good art teacher, then it will take you double the time to mark your students work than it would say a math or geography teacher. You have to get to know each student individually, and mark them on their own personal artistic qualities, not on how their art compares to their neighbour's art. That takes a lot of diagnostic work. You also end up knowing the students very personally because of this, which is nice, but also very difficult, especially if those students live difficult lives. You can’t take them all home. Artists are highly empathetic people and have many, many pets at home. But you also have the students that simply hate being in that classroom and will do everything in their power to make your life miserable. They are the ones that break the art supplies, and refuse to do work, and have you calling home in the evenings on your own time just to find out that the parents are out at the bar and don’t really care because it’s “just an art class”.

I've actually been a teacher and have several teachers in the family so I am very familiar with the great difficulties and dedication required for that job. But Rhonda brings up a point I hadn't given much thought to. Art is so subjective and artists are not only extremely empathetic but extremely sensitive and it is so easy to crush the artistic spirit without meaning to. I try to be so very careful when I teach art classes to only give positive reinforcement. That is not always possible, however, in an academic setting when a teacher not only has to assess talent but handle discipline issues as well.

The readers' comments reflect the passion that is raised whenever artists consider the tension between  their desire to practice their craft and the need to earn a living. Couple that with a parent's natural inclination to nurture and protect their young and to always want the best, and you can find yourself turning your self inside out to figure out how to give them everything they want - and need!

Donna summed up my own feelings in her eloquent message,

I tried but I failed. With tears streaming down my face, I read your article in the March/April issue of ClothPaperScissors to my daughter.  When I came to the line "the artist in me recognizes that I must also instill in my children that a passion for something grander than earning an income is essential to a happy life" I broke down. My daughter, my inspiration and my best friend, listened quietly...she has heard this before from me...many times. But for me, reading those words, hearing those words, gave me such a sense of relief and renewed confidence. I am right! The world does not revolve around a pay cheque.  Income is important, but it has taken over our lives, making many of us strangely unhappy and unfulfilled. Art fills you up and lifts you higher.

Her words are a talisman to carry in our vest pockets, to engrave in memory on our hearts, to finger like a stone brought home from the ocean, and to use as a compass when we parent our children and love them more than life itself.  

Art fills you up and lifts you higher.

.

Second Looks

Sometimes life comes at you hard and fast. The days are so full, jam-packed with work, family, getting some rest, and figuring out what meals can be prepared with no food and no time.

Oh, and blogging.

Anyway. The days speed by, the weeks collapse, months turn over like Catherine Wheels, and before you know it, you don't remember what season it is or why you ever bought an Ipod because you don't have time to sync it let alone listen to it.

So wha d'ya do?

I don't know.  I just know what I do:

• sneak ten minutes a morning drinking cappuccino in my car and skimming through the NY Times.
• read too many blogs
• buy too many books I don't read because of (see above)
• keep my art table set up and force myself to sit there at night, feeling like I'm at detention with Sr. Ann Bernadette in 5th grade until I actually pick up a paintbrush and then it's all, "aaah"
• force myself to go somewhere on the weekend when all I really want to do is get some groceries and cook all afternoon because I need to get out of the house and get some inspiration for life other than what I run across in my little trapezoid of home/office/court/home
• and do spend some Sundays cooking and drinking tea with various female relatives who are happy to sit at my table and eat what is served them

Am I relatively boring - nah, I am COMPLETELY boring.  But life has to be looked at in close up or otherwise, it's a big blur. It may look all fancy at high speed, but God is in the details.

For example ( I am nothing if not illustrative), look at this great window dressing at Kate's Paperie. Isn't she glam??

She's so over the top, it's hard to take it all in at once. I needed to get way back from it to get it in frame, then get real close up to appreciate how it's put together. Kinda like life these days, a life where Mr. Pom has been at the office pretty much 24/7 for almost a week due to a major computer crash.

But lookie here,  what exactly is all that glam made of ? 

Just regular ol' stuff: envelopes, cards, boxes, ribbons, even some empty frames. The detritus of life all sewn together with a pretty thread and glamorously arranged. Kinda like life on the society pages.

I'm off to make myself a gilt-lined envelope skirt and a paper parasol hat. What a good way to tra la la into the weekend.

Tell me where you are tra la la-ing today?

What I Do For You

Dearest 'Nets,

Although I've been busy these weeks and posting has been sporadic, and I spent most of the weekend very busy, do not think that I'm not always thinking of you, on the look out for you guys, taking pics,  making notes, and mentally framing the scene to present to you.

Really.

The last few weekends have brought me down to Soho, just one of those weird serendipitous string of weekends when I get to go to Pearl Paints, Kate's Paperie, Sur La Table, and Le Pain Quotidien and eat a lot of bread and jam and drink big bowls of cappuccino.

Don't you feel sorry for me??

Whoever has enough paints???

So because I'm always thinking of you, when we went past here, I said to myself, gotta get a shot for the peeps, because, y'know, it's all like famous and completely trendy and cool. So I did.

Don't you just want to dive in and put one under each arm and wear the big one as an edible hat??

Unfortunately I can't tell you what this bakery is (look down 2 photos) because it seems one is not supposed to take photos. Or so one found out when one went in to get a cappuccino and saw these dahling little pastries and knew one had to get a shot for y'all:

Now these are cute, but not that cute and frankly hardly unusual as I've seen them in lots of bakeries round town, but I thought it was a nice shot and then I made the mistake of clicking the shutter.......

"Madame! Madame! Pleeze do not take ze photos! No photos, Madame!" said by a totally bogus French chick who was so completely American and was putting on a fake accent because she was forced to wear an apron and a French peasant scarf. Anyway, she wanted to reach across the counter and grab the camera from my hands which is why

my second shot is so crappy.

Let it be noted that the French are notoriously paranoid, whereeas the Japanese, they don't care, hence I was able to snap shot after shot in Pearl River Mart without someone slinging a brioche at my head. Most of these are for blackbird:

Let the record reflect that the French don't have the market cornered on tea, either, and these iron pots are half the price of the one I bought sister #2 up in Westchester. When will I learn:

1. No photos in French bakeries, and
2. Never buy anything at the mall.

Spring Forward!

Whew!

A week of thorny problems all tangled up in blue. Hard surfaces just reflect my own worries and I am snagged in a knot of unyielding thoughts and dark nights. Will I ever stop tossing and turning my anxieties until they are all churned up into the hardest slab of greasy depression ever unwrapped?

But the sun is out today and it is going to be in the 50's and some pooch time and ocean time will clear away the sticky cobwebs and the iron band between my ears will loosen just enough to let me breathe in the smell of thawing earth and briny sea.

 

I will be spending part of the day at work as we are up to our ears in it and preparing to move into new offices on Thursday.  So much scrambling to catch up on some work; much weeping and wailing over a new software that is the pits; and many boxes to pack and papers to shred.

Oh, and tomorrow! Tomorrow will bring plenty of time for this lovely pursuit, of pouring tea and folding arms and talk of art with special friends. Talk, that is of  paint and paper and Art Is, which goes live next week with all the teachers and workshops and some fun things by yours truly. (Oh and a secret that I wish I could share  without risking the Queen of Hearts lopping off my head...oh, what the heck, I'll just slide down another rabbit hole if she comes after me: He is teaching there!)

Please get out and enjoy the day and report back to me!

Mrs. Pom Is

• celebrating Hump Day

• eating homemade lentil soup with chorizo

• Reading Entertaining Disasters

• Opening an envelope containing a used copy of March by Geraldine Brooks

• Wondering if she'll ever memorize Sister #5's new phone number

• Very grateful to one of her oldest friends for being in the right place at the right time this morning with a sympathetic ear

• Realizing that the Cucch did not get to pee the entire day at Doggie Day Care based upon certain, uh, factors and very upset at this and not taking him back until he neutered next week and can play in the Doggie Day Camp.

• Looking forward to Sunday's trip into the city to go to Alice's Teacup with the Art Is ladies.

• Fighting it out with More magazine because she paid online for a subscription and they insist that she didn't and won't send her a copy. (and she can't find a receipt, naturally).

• Giving up looking for her debit card and Starbucks discount card because they have now officially been missing for a week and she's torn the car and her purse apart and has to admit they is GONE.

• Very happy that Mr. Pom is not hitting her about the head and neck for having to order new debit cards for the second time in two months (tho last time the ATM ate it and that wasn't her fault).

• Getting her rest to be ready for a huge deposition tomorrow that may have her pulling her hair out of her head.

• Trying to remember to make appt to get the remaining hairs colored so the skunk look doesn't become too obvious. 

• Trying to convince The Teen to go to a summer art program in the city rather than the mucho bucks one at Large University Far Away and guess which one she wants to go to.

• Feeling sorrowful that the office is being relocated and her ten minute commute will now become a 30 minute commute with traffic.

• Looking forward to seeing Mystery Man for at least a few hours on his way to spring break and thankful that we have a dog so he is interested in stopping home (and oh yeah, for $, too).

• Ditto on seeing The Princess for a few days at the beginning of the week when she comes home to get her "stuff".

• Itching to get into the garden and move all the potted herbs that are in the basement outside but figuring she should wait until the 12 FREAKING INCHES OF SNOW FROM MONDAY MELT.

•  EXTREMELY JEALOUS OF BADGER for already being able to sit outside and grill and have a drink. 

•  Keeping all her whining in perspective whenever she needs this.

• Now is finished  with all her status updates that she  never has time to do at Facebook.

Mornings

Should all start like this.

And every lunch should be this much fun.

And as  for dinner.

Aah, dinners should all be a big bowl of this. 

In my perfect day, that is. 

How about yours??