Paper Clay faces from Art Girlz Retreat
Sunday evening after a very busy two days. I am in the bed, listening to Mr. Pom and The Fiancé shouting at The TV while The Superbowl plays. Every time they do, a smile crosses my face because it remind me of when my father used to do the same thing - shout at the TV, "Go - go - go!". And at The Giants.
I wish I could tell you that I spent part of the weekend making art or writing, but I did not. Still, I got lots of house and family obligations accomplished, and when that is all out of whack it only makes me feel worse and not better. I will remain optimistic and also cut myself a few breaks about what I can really hope to accomplish in the few short months until the wedding is over.
I've gotten some parts of my life back in balance in small ways. The house is vacuumed and dusted. My bedroom is picked up and clean, clothes put away, scarves hung, jewelry back into drawers, shoes in the shoe rack. On Friday I made a chili for today out of ground turkey, two tablespoons of olive oil, 3 kinds of beans, chili powder, minced garlic, diced tomatoes, and tomato puree so we can balance out some of the Super Bowl Indulgences.
Saturday, The Bride f/k/a The Princess and I went to the city where she got a rehearsal dinner dress and I tried on...gowns. Gulp. Gosh, wish I hadn't eaten all those wonderful goodies over Christmas....but now I've ordered a few online and I think I'll end up with something to wear to the wedding.
We went to Tinsel Trading and bought some glittered goodies and dusty rose silk ribbons for various wedding projects. Then we bought cardstock in her colors for table numbers, escort cards, menus, and programs. She wants me just to watercolor them simply. A huge box filled with the invitations came in the mail and we will have an assembly line in two weeks to collate all the inserts, and hand address the envelopes.
Today, The Empress and Mar came for dinner and I made an old-fashioned Sunday dinner of roast beef, mashed potatoes, gingered carrots, and grilled asparagus. I set the table with a vintage shabby chic lace cloth, my grandmother's pink transferware, and deep red votive candles for Valentine's day.
And now I have spent over an hour trawling through wedding inspiration sites as The Bride and I become very excited over her "vintage beach" theme and start running around the house and grabbing stuff for "props". I'm afraid Mr. Pom is going to freak out when he realizes that we may have to rent a small U-Haul to get all this stuff up there, so I think we may have to start bringing up our vintage thrift props from now.
Next weekend is Parents' Weekend for Micalangela. We usually drive down there on Saturday morning, and leave early Sunday afternoon. We're always tired and Mr. Pom's back hurts and we collapse at night and poor Micalangela wonders why we even came down. So in the interest of cutting this ridiculous pattern of hectic stress that is our lives, I am insisting that he takes Friday off and allow us a two-night, more leisurely visit.
So my state of mind tonight is much better than it was a few days ago when I posted, but the essential truth of what I wrote has not changed: I need to stop watching, read, and surfing, and start going back to "doing". I need to recapture that amazing feeling of "wow, I made this!" and relearn how to write a full paragraph that Does Not Have Capital Letters for each word and does not consist of short, clipped slangy sentences followed by too many exclamation points!!!!
Your words, oh, your words, were like hands coming through the screen in support, empathy, tears, and laughter. I immediately thought - hey, we should start our own blog ring: Artists Who Hate Social Networking/Over-Blogging/and Excessive Marketing".
But then I remembered that the goal is to get OFF the internet, not to spend more time, so I stayed focus.
So, I have read each and everyone of your comments. Each one rang true for me: the overwhelming feeling of watching better, more prolific, more inventive, more talented, more ambitious artists, and more, more, more expected of us to stay with the program, whatever your creative dreams are.
I clarified almost immediately in the comments and I will do the same again, that this is not a whiney poor me no comments please leave one post. I know why my page views are down, and it simple math: fewer posts, less frequent posts, irregular posts = fewer readers.And I am okay with that.
As I wrote in reply to a comment:
Just to clarify for all - this is not about the blog, lack of readership, or lack of comments. It's is a general feeling that my life is scattered in as many fragments as a kaleidescope and about once every few months can I view it through the lens and see something beautiful. The years pass; I am not further along on my creative path but farther away. Sometime I think the worst thing that ever happened to my creativity is buying a laptop.
And that is fine because while I am going through this transition and struggling to find my way in a new world, I have lost my spark - no it's become buried and I am trying to excavate it.
I want to respond to each of you, but I am giving myself a break, which I know you will allow me so I am not writing this post for two days. Every single comment was a hand held through cyberspace and I envision a huge circle of us saying, "We're mad as hell and we're not gonna take it anymore." (From Network, which you should watch if you were born after 1976.)
If you haven't, please read the comments. They are a wonderful cross-section of viewpoints that coalesce into this essential point by "ClaraC":
Who has time to "do art" and "show art." Create for sale - impossible. Create for joy, for bliss, for knowing ourselves better.
For a very succinct, masterly view of what I so clumsily expressed, read the comment left by Laura Tringalli Holmes. She expressed what goes on in the mixed media world so well!
Beth said,
I think the worst thing hasn't been having a laptop, it's been social networking, Twitter, and all the associated hype and frantic activity and fragmentation of our precious time and concentration. So much of it is an illusion, but like parched souls in a desert, it's easy to understand why creative people run toward what seems like an oasis.
Dana said,
I love the internet and use it constantly as reference sources for paintings and ideas for what to paint. I really appreciate so many blogs, especially in this recessionary time when so many print mags have gone under.
That said I am feeling old and cranky in the midst of a society that is more plugged in than tuned in. I am tired of holding elevators for sweet young things who are so busy texting that they can't be bothered to get on in a timely fashion.
(Dana, you always make me laugh out loud!)
Nina said,
That's me there beside you, tap dancing while we look around to see if anyone else is joining us. or, if anyone is out there behind the lights...i'm feeling the very same way, as well. it's scary, it's confusing, it's frustrating. i don't want to constantly promote myself. i don't want to license my wares so that they show up on every coffee mug, notebook, postcard, lampshade (wait. i'm a jewelry designer...)
Art8ldy said,
I've had it with blogs that just promote classes and every little mark or stitch becomes a tutorial! "Be true to who you are and have fun!" ~ thats my motto!
Another Beth must have a camera under my bed as she described my weeknights to a "t",
I think this is a common struggle, no matter your medium. My 'art' of choice is knitting. While at work each day, I look forward to coming home and spending some time with my needles and fiber. Though after dinner, I find myself checking email and then one blog and then another and before long, I've spent more time looking at other people's projects than working on my own. Didn't I crave for that time while I was working during the day? Why did I let it slip away? Visiting all the sites can be inspiring but I promised myself more 'doing' this year. I'm getting there, in baby steps. I can't get rid of the computer. It's a lifeline to folks far away, to news, to resources, to inspiration.
Mim, who has an amazing blog with lots of readers, said,
It seems you have hit a nerve! I love this post, it's what we all feel and are "afraid" to say. (remembering "prodigy" made me giggle!). I am trying to be more "me" this year on my blog and there is NO way I can keep up with FB, Tweet, Tumblr, whatever!
Paula said,
I also love online eye candy and inspiration, but I have had to make myself limit my time, because, yes, yes, yes, I get lost in the eye candy, don't make my own art, and begin to doubt my own art.
Another Barbara said,
I've gotten back to artmaking late in life (78yrs)because I didn't want to even try to balance everything as many of you do. I focused on family and on and off teaching, sublimating my creative urges with sewing, flower arranging,home decorating, etc. A few years ago, I realized, if not now,when? and jumped with both feet into mixed media artmaking.
BARBARA - I CAN'T WAIT TO BE 78!!!!
Gil said,
I wonder if you too sigh as you read of the latest "discovery" in the world of creative arts - usually something we've been doing for years but have considered old hat! Thank you for voicing so much of how I see the world these days, too.
Jean wrote about what it "means" to be a an "Internet presence" in the art world these days,
All the accoutrements of a successful artist/internet presence these days: the website, blog, etsy shop, book, teaching, gallery show, artists co-op.
And my own sister wrote about how Renaissance artists had a staff at their beck and call. And they also had patrons, who paid for the staff!
Those of you that I did not quote was because you wrote such nice things about me and my blog that I would blush to repost them here. Most of you are just names on a white screen to me, but somehow you understand me better than my own family members and friends.
And that really is the true gift of the Internet. The coming together of like souls in appreciation of common interests.
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Look at her work in progress on a new cover for the British edition:
