Bloom Where You Are Planted

10 Ways to Trick Myself into Thinking That I Don't Work Full Time

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Day One of my three days off. I'm sitting on my screened porch at 9:30 at night and blogging. It's gotten cool and my little dragonfly lights are on and it's very seasonal on the porch. Stan and my sister Maria are watching The Godfather I in the living room and doing the dialogue (tres annoying!)

Tonight was Mystery Man's graduation. My big ol' nonchalant son came to find us in the crowd and his eyes were tearing up as he hugged each one of us. (You know I was blubbering away as soon as I saw him wipe his eyes.) I still can't believe he's graduated high school, turning 18 Friday, and is off to college in August.

This morning I was still wiped out from the last few days. So my two younger sisters and I had a leisurely breakfast at the diner. Then two of us drove to the stamp store and bought some much needed supplies (ha!)

Then I came home and planted geraniums and nasturtiums in the planter by the front door. I planted blue morning glories in a big pot by the porch. The morning glories are already growing up an iron sculpture and I hope by July they'll have covered it and I'll see beautiful blue blooms each morning.

I was so relaxed today that I called my husband and told him I was resigning from work on Monday. (I can't print the expletives that spewed forth.) But really, isn't it crazy to live with so much stress and tension when just a day off makes you feel like you've lost ten years and have all the leisure in the world?

So I really have to make changes in my life to accomodate the need to bring in an income and still remain sane.

1. Get up a half hour early - yes, seems more stressful but listen - make coffee and toast at home, get the paper off the lawn, and sit on the screened porch for a half hour.

2. Get out of the office rut. Stop buying lunch and eating in the conference room where we just discuss work. Get out of the office even if I sit in my car. I'm still looking for access to the Hudson River where I can eat and sit.

3. Get out of the house after dinner. Walk around my neighborhood. Explore the 200 year old cemetery on the corner. Ride down to the beach.

4. Start investing myself in this yard. While I was puttering around in the garden, I realized that I hardly ever go into the backyard and practically never into the garage. (strongly linked to the incredible mess made by Mystery Man). Hell I could still describe for you every square inch of yard in our other three houses. I've really held myself back here, whether from fear we'll still lose this house, or depression that we left so much behind. Time to kick myself in the butt and get outside.

5. Get out into the wild. There's a nature study woods a short walk from here. I know there's a path that goes about a mile to the reservoir. I haven't been in there since I was in high school. I wouldn't go in alone, but on a Saturday, with some company, it'd be a nice walk.

6. Get a bicycle. My god, I am so sedentary! And I used to ride my bike everywhere when I was in school. Biking was our main form of entertainment and sport when we were growing up. We used to ride down the hill, around the lake, across the brook and back, about ten times a days. Nothing is better than the quiet sound of the tires hissing on the pavement and the wind in your ears. Travel and solitude, two companions I miss.

7. Why aren't I listen to music anymore? At one point this afternoon, I put on a CD of Gershwin favorites and laid down on the sofa. Lena Horne began singing "Someone to Watch Over Me". I felt blissful, actually blissful, incredulous that I was lying down in the middle of the day listening to music!

8. Get to the water get to the water get to the water get to the water.... enuf said.

9. Stop obsessing over what I HAVE to do. I wake up with my heart racing, stomach churning, and near tears almost every morning. Not natural. Nope. Last night I dreamt that I had to argue an appeal in front of every judge I knew and I didn't have the briefs or even know what the case was about. The night before I dreamed that I had to try a case in front of the judge I worked for and I didn't know what the case was even about and he'd find me out for the fake I am.

10. Get my butt into the art room and make something. Now. No excuses. Clean it up and sit there. Play with all this crap I have. Stop whining. Just do it.

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