Arriverdecci The Teena
April 19, 2008
The Teen: You're not gonna cry at the bus are you, Mom? No, let me say it this way: You're NOT going to cry at the bus, Mom.
Mom: Not unless the damn bus leaves a minute later than 4:00 and I have to drive to the Cape in the dark.
The Teen: Nice, Mom, real nice. Why don't you just leave in the morning if that's all you care.
Mom: Because you told me I can't.
The Teen: Daddy will take me.
Mom: Daddy can barely take himself downstairs.
The Teen: I'll get The Princess to drive me.
Mom: She doesn't get up till 4:00 on Sundays. And you can't guilt me because I've been with you since 9:30 this morning and it's now 9:00 p.m. and we're just pulling into the driveway after going to every surfer/preppy/teen store in the county and all you bought were 2 tops and 2 pairs of shorts.
And let me just say this: If one is old enough to go to Italy, then one ought to be old enough to drive oneself to the stores where one pays for all the stuff with one's own credit card, if one is .....old enough.
The Teen: Right, Mom. Like when you told me I didn't need to know the pin # to the debit card in American Eagle and you HAD to go Starbucks and didn't answer your phone and they asked me for ID and I have to LEAVE THE STORE and come find you and then you wouldn't come back with me and threw the Amex at me?
Mom: I did NOT throw the AMEX at you. I may have raised my voice a tad, but it was 2:00 and I was just having the first drop of caffeeine OF THE DAY pass my lips. And who let you eat the other half of her English muffin at the diner because you ordered Canadian bacon and realized it was just ham and you hate ham?
The Teen: Don't try to change the subject. I'm just scarred for life by holding up 30 other kids WITH THEIR MOTHERS on line buying clothes for spring break and I can never SHOW MY FACE in American Eagle AGAIN and I feel so horrible I'll probably get to Italy and sit in the hot tub with the first Italian dude I see.
Mom: Wanna go to PF Chang's for dinner?
The Teen: Sure, it's my last night to have American food.
Mom: Well, then Chinese it is!