Spring Anew

I wanted to write a lovely post about the tips of the daffodils bursting through the ground in the muddy garden and growing a foot into full bloom in the space of 5 days of mid-summer like weather. I intended to write about the last month's snowflakes whirling into a confetti of pink petals, and how the startling beauty of a huge weeping cherry tree brought a catch to my throat. 

The signs of spring.

But when I began to write my post, I became aware that I'd seen most of spring so far from behind the windshield, or through the window of my office, where the geese that befoul of our parking lot have been aggressively mating and nesting and fighting in the bushes.

I looked at my list and realized that it hardly even mentioned being outdoors!  My list could be considered rather trivial, shallow even.  And I saved it into drafts and went off to read other people's blogs.

And then I read the beautiful profile of Blackbird and her unique sense of style and I realized that my list was okay, in fact  I could not stop smiling.

Would I have written this list ten years ago, five years ago - or even three years ago?

No, I would not have. I could not have. Back then, I was 125 pounds overweight. My idea of clothes looking good was that I could zip up the pants and button the blouse and it matched. Not that I didn't love clothes and not that I didn't spend money on them, but at best, it was frustrating and at worst, sad.

So yes, I've become a clothes horse. Yes, I spend too much money on clothes now. If I had unlimited wealth, I'd buy couture or at least prete a porter. I love clothes with dressmaker details. I love color. I love fitted jackets and a-line skirts. I adore pencil skirts but alas cannot wear them.  I am much more conscious about fit and silhouette. I'm style conscious. I spend a lot of time shopping online, or at least surfing what's there.  I read style blogs, I notice what people are wearing on the street, and I look forward to getting dressed each day.

You probably have no idea what it means to a person who has been obese from age 8 to wake up in the morning and to look forward to getting dressed each day. To walk by a window and catch of glimpse of myself and actually  like what I see? I never thought I'd write that.

I will never be slender. I will always have fat, lumpy legs, an apron for a stomach, and boobs that have deflated into tube socks. That will not change unless I have surgery, and frankly, though I'd like to wake up one morning with it all done and it would make clothes shopping so much easier, I'd rather spend the time and money on going to Italy.  After I tuck all the strange body  parts into clothing, it  hangs together okay.

I am who I am at this age. And it's a wonderful age! I don't have to feel so  au courant with every fashion trend cause just doing a little bit of what's in makes me look really trendy for someone my age.

The reverse is also true: I can wear what isn't trendy and be unabashedly myself, which includes not feeling the need to wear the black or blue button down suits that every other woman has on in the courtroom.

My only wish: better knees and feet so I could indulge myself in gorgeous shoes. (And maybe an eye lift...)

I feel very empowered in that for the first time in my life, I want to be out with people, I don't hate to have my picture taken, and I don't find a million excuses not to meet online friends in person.

So here is my list for Spring. I have another one, much more spiritual and arty, and maybe I'll post it later in the week, and  I hope you don't think me shallow, but even if you do,  I wouldn't change it 

The First Sings of Spring:

• I only want to wear pink
• I got a pedicure (new OPI purply polish)
• I am hunting down espadrilles and platform sandals with only a 2" heel
• I am packing away the heavy red zippered military sweater I found at TJ Maxx and only wore once to my chagrin
• I am buying new Spanx so I can fit back into the shirtwaist khaki dress I bought last year
• I am reassessing what right I have to ever wear a skirt/dress with legs like these
• The wooden and bamboo bangles are back on my arms
• I am wondering how I missed the 4 weeks a year when I can wear my pink and black tapestry coat before it gets too hot/too cold
• I moved all the winter coats off the hall hooks and into the hall closet and the raincoats vice versa
• I packed away all my boots from hall and into  boxes under the bed
• I timidly wore a dress with bare legs on Easter (see bullet point above re legs)
• (I wondered when everyone stopped wearing nude hose, which appears to have happened sometime before I lost weight while I wasn't looking)
• I realized that my Clinique 05 Creme Shy Blush needs to be benched for a rosier shade for blushing in spring
• I switched from Loreal Pale As A Ghost base to Clinique 03 Ivory
• I am looking for a softer spring colors replacement for the Revlon Color Stay 03 Neutral Khakis 12 Hour Eye Shadow (it really does stay 12 hours)
• I wore the silver Oyster shell necklace on the brown gross grain ribbon for the first time this since last summer
• I ordered my one dress a season from Boden
• And remembered that I already ordered another but it hasn't come yet....
• But then they had a sale so I had to order another, which they no longer have on the site to show you
• I dumped all my summer shoes on the floor and took some to the shoe maker for new heels and decided that Payless really has some good flats and loafers that hold up well but you really have to look
• And I sublimated my desire to buy all new spring clothes, so Mr. Pom doesn't divorce me, into buying new a new down pillow, which after just one night, has cured my constant neck ache