A Cautionary Tale

If you ever come home from work and find a disgusting smell in the house....

and glare at the dogs.....

and sniff all the floors...

and crawl in their crates...

and sniff their breath....

and use an entire can of Febreeze.....

~~~~~~

But you come home from work the next day

and the smell is worse

and you have a migraine and are nauseous

and you do the sniff the floors thing again

and Eureka - pumpkins, baby pumpkins, rotting!

So you run the out to the garbage...

hurl gourds, pumpkins, and decorative squash

into the trash

but the smell is still in the kitchen

and you throw out all the cheese -

the expensive cheeses, the manchego, the gouda, the string, the grated parmesan

the garbage

the garbage can (till it can be washed)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And all night with your migraine

all you smell is The Smell

and in the morning you open

all the windows put out potpourri

check the dog crates - again

hope the dogwalker doesn't notice

~~~~~~~~~~~~

And you come home to IT once again

Throw out EVERYTHING in the fridge

Wash it down with bleach

Put all the shelves in the dishwasher

Throw out the garbage and wash

the can again

Empty a box of baking soda

on a plate and stick it in the

(smelly) fridge

relax until

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A kid comes home

shrieks at the smell

gets the fiance to be all

scientific and determine

the smell is worse near the ceiling

so they climb on chairs

inspect the filthy tops of the

cabinets

and you wring your hands

over the thought

of something dead in the

ceiling

but suddenly you look up at the

TOP of the refrigerator

and see . . .

a Fiesta green dinner plate

and you shrink back with fear

shirk from the chair that is

proferred

demure to the younger, braver, stronger

generation

And she climbs the chair,

that strong woman child you raised, and looks up and

gags

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

over the package of defrosted chicken you misplaced on Sunday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And all you can say is

Thank God, we don't have to buy a new refrigerator.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MORAL OF THE STORY:

WHEN THINGS STINK, REMEMBER TO LOOK UP